Washington is Addicted to Spending

Posted on August 14, 2010


When will Washington and the politicians stand up and greet our country with, “Hello, my name is Washington. I’m a politician and I’m addicted to spending”?

Hmm. That would be the day that monkeys fly out of my butt. It ain’t going to happen. Why? Because this isn’t a problem for them.

There is yet another bailout signed into law yesterday. This time, it was called the teacher bailout. I’d give you the title of the bill, if it had one; I’m not making this up. Let me show you the actual title of the act.

Section 1: This act may be called the blank Act of blank.

Who wouldn’t vote for that? What? Did the office of overtly patriotic bill-naming run out of happy, fluffy bills titles like “The Affordable Jobs Act for American-loving Americans Going Back to Their Work at Their Jobs and Sick Kids, Too Act.” Oh, I would have liked to vote for that one. Who doesn’t love sick kids and want people to have jobs?

So, this bill doesn’t even have a name. But it does have a price tag, $26.1 billion — passed by a 247 to 161 vote yesterday. And the president got out his little pen and signed it in to law.

Sixteen whole billion dollars will go toward state Medicaid programs and about $10 billion goes to education-related areas.

The education secretary, Arne Duncan, he called it a great vote for American children. He did. Arne, did you say that about the kids? You just love the kids. Oh, you little poodle kids. Love you, Arne!

Now, are we the only ones in America that realize that all of this spending isn’t really good for the children of America? Unless you think that doesn’t make our children a slave.

No, debt’s great. It’s for the kids. Here, kids, I want to leave you with the debt on my house.

Well, thank you, Washington, for put so much thought in our future generations and our kids. I can see you really, really care. Look at that — it’s only $13 trillion. Oh! The kids are going to be so surprised when they grow up and have to start paying taxes and we left them with that.

Thank you, Arne. Thank you, President Obama.

Now, President Obama, this time not flanked by doctors, but he wants everybody to know he’s there for the teachers. He was flanked by the teachers and he explained the need for this really important no-name bill:

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: But we can’t stand by and do nothing while pink slips are given to the men and women who educate our children —

That’s right!

OBAMA: — or keep our community safe.

Yes! And there were teachers standing behind him. That must mean the bill is great because teachers would never lie. Who can argue with that whole teacher thing?

And I thought he made a very good point, we can’t just stand by. We got to do something. Oh! Of course, that’s not the first time he said, “We got to do something. We can’t just stand around.”

OBAMA: For every day we wait and point fingers and drag our feet, more Americans lose their jobs. More families will lose their savings.


More dreams will be deferred and denied.

More dreams — crushed.

OBAMA: And our nation will sink deeper in a crisis that at some point we may not be able to reverse.

They’ll never leave. It’s like Hotel California!

This isn’t the first time that he said we have to act. We have to act without thinking. Don’t think, just act, man!

And it’s also not the first time or the eighth time or the 10th time or the 50th time that he said, “If we don’t pass this bill, teachers will lose their jobs.”

OBAMA: Not have to lay off firefighters and teachers and police.

OBAMA: Avoid painful tax hikes or layoffs for our teachers, nurses and first responders.

OBAMA: School districts who are getting hammered are able to keep their teachers.

OBAMA: And they’ll be the jobs of firefighters and teachers and police officers.

OBAMA: Firefighters and teachers and nurses and police officers that would otherwise be eliminated.

OBAMA: To stop teachers from being laid off and education programs from being cut.

Now, we could continue to do this all night. But I think you get the point. He said teachers, the fire people and police people are going to keep their jobs if we just pass it.

But the problems with these quotes are they are from a completely different bill, from 2009. That was another bill entirely. It’s generally referred to as the Stimulus.  Gee, Arne, is that like a story problem?

How come the unions — who are bankrupting the system, they did it to General Motors — how come the unions don’t ever have to do anything? You see, the unions make no concessions. No. No. Uh-uh.

They gambled. And at the end of the day, you lose. They gamble that the federal government would bail them out. And they’ve been right.

And so, American taxpayers, you, had to shell out another $26 billion. When there is still at least $367 billion left in the stimulus money.

I am thinking maybe we could skip a few turtle tunnel projects in the stimulus and give it to teachers instead.

I can hear them. Do you hear them? The liberal blogs right now: “the right basically wants to have turtles cross the roads and be crushed by cars!”

Yes, that’s me! I am evil, aren’t I?

What do you think? Is $26 billion less than or more than $367 billion? Come on, Arne. Get that snuggle puss over here and give us an answer.

I think $367 billion is bigger. We could probably take the $26 billion out of the $367 billion because the $367 billion — just the ones I listed here, you said — was it six or seven times that it was going to save the teachers? So, what do you say we use that money, hmm?

Now, Harry Reid and Patty Murray led the charge on saving teachers who were going the way of dinosaurs. And this bill, out of the goodness of their humble heart, they saved the teachers and the children, and there were no ulterior motives of power or control.

No! No! My gosh, man! We’re teachers, we’re practically doctors, we’re surgeons! And the little brains of the little ones, we love so much.

If states take from the federal government — and it’s beyond states, it’s you as well — if you take, they will take from you. So, now, the states are taking from the federal government.

Well, what are they losing to the federal government? Your state’s right to use common sense, to make decisions free of federal restrictions. Washington logic now has a stranglehold on each and every state that takes money.

You pick up the phone. You call right now. You call your local representative. You call your statehouse. You go put your butt in front of the governor’s mansion if you have to. And you tell them — don’t ask, remember, they work for you — you tell them in polite, indoor tones that they must not take this money.


Because the bill mandates that federal funds must supplement — not replace — state spending on education. And each state next year’s spending on education, as a percentage of state revenues, must be equal or greater than this year’s level.


Well, gee, dummies, let’s see if we can figure it out. What do you say? Let’s see. Let’s make this about you.

Here you are. You make — you are the federal government in this scenario — you make $40,000 a year. You’re spending $80,000 a year. Trouble is coming your way. So, what do you do? You look at your expenses.

Food, $10,000 a year.

Electric, $5,000 — wow, that’s a lot of power.

Cable and movies, $10,000 — wow, that might be a problem if you are spending the same here.

And your house is only a mere $55,000 a year.

OK. Come on, I know you just live in the middle of the country, but use the doodle. What do you do?

You say, I think [cable and movies] is a problem and [housing] is a problem. And [electric] would probably go down if I moved into a smaller house. That’s what you would do.

And you’d probably put something in savings or pay down your debt. Wouldn’t that be something that a rational human being would do? Yes. Yes.

But, no, no — then the federal government steps in. And this is what they’ve just done to your state. They say, oh, you’re spending $80,000 a year and $55,000 on a house and $10,000 on movies? Well, that’s fantastic. Don’t worry about it.

Next year, we’re going to make up the difference here. But next year, you have to spend $10,000 in movies and at least, that’s crazy, why downsize? It’s for children. You have to spend at least this much next year. We’d prefer more.

What is going to happen to you?

Pensions. It’s a house we cannot afford. The pensions are the largest budget item for all the states. They’re not touched. They’re encouraged to increase.

Now, how are you going to pay for it? How are you going to be able to afford the forced spending requirement from the federal government next year, states? The Fed just downgraded our economic outlook. It’s going to be worse next year than this year. People know it’s not getting better.

But the government continues on in the opposite direction of the average American. Do you know that for 21 straight months, people have been reducing their personal debt? Why? Because you have common sense.

You’re doing it. You are living your right — your life the right way. You’ve learned your lesson.

The federal government? No, no. They’ve been expanding. And now, they’re trapping the states into massive debt. Why? Why would you do that?

Governor Haley Barbour put it best. The federal government is hijacking the state budgets. Why would you do that? Two words, you know them, say it with me: Cloward and Piven. If you don’t, go to the computer and look it up.

We don’t have the money, but we keep spending it. Why? Well, how did we spend this money? Well, they just conjured it up. I mean, they found the savings somewhere.

Oh, this is great. Democrats first tried to get the money by using emergency deficit spending. That failed.

Then they had to resort to take money originally intended for another program. They chose food stamps. Food stamps — why would you do food stamps? Democrats want to starve your children. That doesn’t work, does it?

Food stamps — well, the stimulus bill, you know where we have the extra $367 billion? — that included a food stamp spending boost, which was based on the projected inflation rates for food prices. But are we having inflation? No. We’re still worried about deflation.

They increased the amount in the stimulus from $20 billion to $54 billion. Well, there is no inflation. That leaves them with billions in the future that we don’t have. And that’s more than we need. No inflation? Let’s just take that.

So, they rolled back $12 billion out of their mistake and just steered it towards the teacher unions.

Oh. So, it wasn’t even a cut. They just wildly overspent on something. And then they just took some of that money that was a mistake and sent it someplace else, which is also a mistake.

You know what happens to you if you do this? You go to jail. That’s where a lot of these people belong: in jail. Not if you’re in the federal government. No. You get applauded. You get re-elected. You get fancy dinners. Yes.

By the way, does this mean that the federal government had just told us that deflation is coming? I mean — because they’re saying there won’t be any inflation here. No. No. Uh-uh!

So, if we continue deflation that means American engine doesn’t start up because you can’t have inflation until the engine gets going again. So, does it mean the engine isn’t going to get going until 2019? I thought you brought us back from the brink.

Oh, happy days are here to stay.

But, remember: the recovery summer. We have been pulled back from that brink. Don’t let — just pay no attention to this guy. Please! Don’t look at actual facts! Don’t let the real world deceive you. There’s nothing to see here. Move along. Didn’t you hear him? He said turn the tube off.

The government has lost touch with common sense. It’s worse than that
— they are intentionally doing this.

If you are running a company, let’s say — because it’s free market system — you’re running Evil Capitalism Inc.,” because only people that are evil believe in capitalism. And you’re making Edsels and you’re making old-style refrigerators and cute little dollies for the children and pies.

Now, this one company, Evil Capitalism Inc., has these four divisions. [Dollies are] losing, [refrigerators are] losing, [Edsels are] losing, but who likes pie? I do.

[Pies aren’t] taking any money from the parent company. [Edsels are] having dollars poured into it from the Evil Capitalism Inc. [Pies are] not.

Now, put on your thinking cap. Would you consider forcing this division to spend more money to become like these divisions? I don’t think so.

What you do as a good CEO is you’d see these divisions and say, you suck. Do what this division is doing. Wouldn’t you? You certainly wouldn’t penalize this division. You try to get everybody to emulate that through the rest of the company.

As a CEO, if you had one division consistently outperforming others, you wouldn’t punish it. But that’s exactly what America’s CEO is now doing. Now, CEO Barack Obama, in this bill, has introduced additional requirements, because the “pie division” is actually Texas.

Texas, you’ll remember, refused to spend much of the stimulus money that it was forced to take. They said, “We’re not spending it.” Now, if they want any of the $830 million that Governor Rick Perry has — he has to provide assurance that they won’t cut education spending until 2013. No. That’s two years longer than everybody else. Governor Perry, he said that can’t be done.

Governor Perry actually tried to give Obama a letter. He was snubbed by the president. Please take the letter, Mr. President. Please take the letter. Please take the letter.

No, no, give it to Valerie Jarrett, I don’t want it. Give it to Valerie Jarrett. Oh, yes, sure.

But — that’s Rick Perry — have I seen this scene before? Yes, I have. Oh, I’ve got a book, an anti-American book about how we destroyed Latin America. And let me read it here, from Hugo Chavez!

The president doesn’t seem to want to hear any common sense. Something is not right here.

Unions stand to gain over $100 million in extra union dues from this bill. Who, may I ask, who — the government listening to? Are they listening to you? Who acknowledged that, “Yes, hi, my name is America, and we have a problem”? Or those in denial, who are only out for their own power, unions?